The Cost of the Life You Want Everybody. I'm so excited today. We have another awesome guest presenter Mindset Monday. Today's topic is identity confirmation. This is one of those foundational topics that at the end of it, you go, oh my gosh, just, just prep yourself to receive this morning. This is one of those huge, huge, impactful talks. I know that you feel it too. I know everybody knows Cody Jefferson, but just to give him a little bit of introduction, I love this. I wanna call this out. The first line of his bio that he sent over is that first and foremost, he is Stetson's dad, Sarah's husband, and Titus's bonus dad. That's the big flex right there. Family first. I love that. As you know, Cody has decades of experience coaching. He has training programs helped thousands of men and women achieve life-changing results in their personal growth, relational intimacy, self-fulfillment, family life, leadership skills, entrepreneurial skills, our type of guy. He's the founder of Embrace The Lion, a worldwide movement offering, one-on-one coaching, group coaching masterminds and courses. This is the key point we're gonna be kind of building on today. The philosophy that he has is based on the belief that everyone has potential to achieve greatness by focusing their God-given strengths, adopting a mindset of growth, and taking daily dedicated action regardless of feelings. This is who I am. So this is what I do. Cody, let's go, man. All right. Like you, are we ready? Listen, if you are ready in the chat, give me a, I'm ready. I, we could have kept it colorful, but let's just say, I'm ready. Gimme an I'm ready in the chat. And listen whether you're tuning in live or on the replay, I'm glad that you're here. There's a lot of places that you could be spending your morning. Uh, it is, uh, for all intents and purposes, it is Thanksgiving week. I know a lot of us are out traveling, doing some last minute shopping, getting some turkeys ready to be thawed, so. I'm very grateful that you're, that you're here with us this morning, and if you're watching on the replay, I'm grateful that you're here as well. Grateful for your life, for the call on your life, and we're gonna be talking about that today. Uh, I want to. Quickly, but intentionally, I wanna honor Taylor. Um, Taylor's become a good friend over the years. Uh, we have a lot of like, life, uh, interests and a lot of like life background. And so, uh, I wanna thank him for, you know, just opening up the space. I. Uh, in a, in a culture that is so bent on competition, it is a, a beautiful and refreshing thing to see community happening. And, you know, we're where two or three are gathered, you know, iron sharpens iron, and we can do some pretty incredible things together, uh, versus alone. I've tried to do it alone on my, uh, on my own in my life. Um. And it always is far richer with people. And so again, grateful for Taylor. Uh, Luke, I'm grateful for you as well. We have recently become connected and uh, I am very grateful for who you are and for your leadership and for your ear and uh, for your call in this life. So I wanna honor you as well, uh, as this is your guys' platform and I am just sitting in. And, uh, being a mouthpiece toilet, I feel will be something that will be impactful. This morning I want to talk a little bit about identity confirmation. Uh, as the intro so eloquently stated, this is who I am, so this is what I do, this is who I am, I. So this is what I do. You're going to, uh, hear from me that I'm gonna be referencing a book that is very, uh, dear to my heart. I don't know what your belief system is, but you're gonna hear me reference a book fairly often. Uh, I won't use particular passages, but some of it will be familiar to you. And if it is not, my hope is that the wisdom of the word today, uh, isn't missed because of the modality or the messenger. And that you would be able to receive what it is that I'm communicating to you regardless of your belief system, and regardless of where you find yourself, uh, in this season of life. Because again, life is seasonal. There is a season for everything. So whether you find yourself in a low or in a high, I wanna say that you are welcome here and, and you're exactly where you're supposed to be for the season that is being prepared for you. If you're with me in the chat, put seasons in the chat. And again, you're gonna hear that I use a lot of alliteration. Uh, it comes as no surprise, just even based on the way that I talked, that I was a pastor and, and perhaps more pastor now than I ever was, but occupationally for 13 years. So you're gonna hear a lot of alliteration and how I communicate, I'll always say that the pulpit was preparation for this platform that God had planned for me, uh, from before I ever stepped foot onto it or into it. There's a call in my life that I can't cancel, that I can't run away from. I have tried and the conversation of calling is where we're gonna be spending the breadth of our time this morning. Do you find yourself called to something bigger? I. If you do, put bigger in the chat for me, just so I know who I'm talking to and to make sure that I'm in the right room. And that bigger could be anything. It could be a bigger influence, it could be bigger impact. It certainly could be bigger income to influence both the previous. There's a vision that I believe that we've all been given for our life, and I believe that that vision wasn't placed here by accident. I believe that that vision and that that calling is intentional. And it was a calling that was placed inside us before we even knew what to do with it. But inside of that calling, there is a gap. There's a space that exists and the space that exists between where you are, where you are feeling called, and the bigness of that call, and then the commission, where you go and how you spend time inside of that conversation is where we build character. And the character and the cultivation of that character is where we're gonna be spending most of our time this morning type character in the chat, if you're with me, we often see the front side of our calling. I. We often see the big picture, the big vision, the grandiose idea that's placed in front of us, and the ways in which we place one foot in front of the other. Sometimes a bit haphazardly, and sometimes it is a bit of a foot, foot forward and two steps back, but we see the bigger vision and the bigger calling and not have you consider that. If you're not yet there, if you find yourself in this middle ground, right? Where the, where the, the, the calling has not yet been made manifest and the the commission has not yet been made manifest that it's for preparation. Just as I said earlier, that I have been prepared for this platform long before I ever knew it existed. For 13 years I was an occupational ministry. There were a lot of things about the conversation of business and leadership and influence and larger platforms that I did not know existed. I grew up in a small rural town in Oklahoma. Some of you'll hear that in my voice. It comes out occasionally. I try to, I try to try to learn how to talk without an accent, but I learned that the older I get, it's just there and there's nothing that I can do about it, so I embrace it. And I can also tell you that some of the things that you take for granted and some of the things that you wish, uh, didn't happen in the ways that they did, and the ways in which you didn't articulate in the ways that you articulated are the very things that will be used to influence others because that's what makes you you. Gabrielle, thank you for the love on the Tulsa mug. I appreciate you. I want to talk to you about the preparation. There's a verse that says, to whom much is given, much is required, and I wanna, I want to challenge you to consider this, that you never get more of the thing that you want without getting more of the things that you don't necessarily want. What we always pray for, what we always want for, what we always long for, what we always strive for is the front side of the things that can be seen. But I will tell you that on the backside of that, there, there is a, a list of things that you don't yet necessarily see. Nor do you want, Sarah, welcome to Tulsa. Because for every blessing, again, whether this is your modality or not, my, my hope is that you will receive this regardless of your belief system and the language that I use, that it just becomes second nature to me. But re I wanna remind you that on the front side of every blessing, on the backside, you're gonna find a burden. So you want more revelation. That's great. That's the front side. On the front side you have revelation, but on the backside of every rela revelation, you have warfare. You say that you want more responsibility, that's the front side. That's great, but on the backside of that, you're going to experience more stress. You want more notoriety, all well and good. Just be, just be mindful. On the backside of that, you're going to receive more criticism. You want more influence, great. On the backside of that, you're going to experience more attacks. You wanna step into greater levels of leadership. On the backside of that, you're going to learn how to cultivate a deeper sense of responsibility, communication dynamics, ways in which you're called to lead that don't yet exist. You want a bigger house, you want more square footage, that's great. On the backside of that, you're gonna have higher expenses. You want promotion, absolutely. But on the backside of that, recognize there's going to be more pressure, but type pressure in the chat. If you've experienced it lately, I would have you consider that. Sometimes the delay in our calling being commissioned. Isn't because you aren't ready for the front side, it's because there is still character development, there is still leadership development, there is still skillset development, there is still discernment development. There is still maturity development and it's all required so that you might be able to appropriately handle the backside. Everybody throw a backside in the chat. Thankfully we're not putting pictures in the chat because that could get real weird real quick. Especially 'cause we, we got, we got Nicholas Virgin here. We got Brendan. We got Dan. Come on, we got Joel, my man. We got my man Wick. I wanna remind you. That the reason that this is delayed perhaps, is that leadership is cultivated through consistency and through the delaying of your destiny. We live in an Amazon Prime culture where everything is no later than two days away, and there is a certain seasoning that has to happen. Right. So if leadership is cultivated through the consistency and the delaying of your destiny, then this is why we have, we have grown accustomed to our simple tagline, which you can see right behind me that I'm pointing to, and that is what needs to die in me? What needs to die in me to become the man or the woman that I'm called to be? It's an interesting conversation because we all wanna speak. Of the big things that we're called to, and we all wanna speak of the resurrection, so to speak, of our story and the hero's journey. But I wanna remind you that on the front side of every resurrection story is a death, and it's a death that we often avoid because death is messy. Death is painful. Death confronts every sense of your ego, every way in which you appropriate your charisma and natural talent to land on your 60% instead of closing the space between your 60% and 100%. And I would have you consider that that is why you feel yourself frustrated, because you understand that there is more. But I'll, I'll also have you consider. That if you are not ready for the responsibility of the front side, the backside will leave you feeling like your calling is a curse. Can you say that again? If you are not res ready for the responsibility that comes with the front side, the backside will take you out and your calling will become what feels like a curse. And this is why we trust timing. This is why we have a clear expectation of where it is that we're going. You inside of the Rena, you know this better than anyone because you adhere to a morning formula, do you not? If you adhere to the morning formula, though, that in the chat morning formula and we commit to today. And so we ask ourselves a series of very simple questions in order for this vision to be made manifest, and I would have you consider that if you find yourself lacking clarity on the journey from point A to point B, get out of piece of paper and write these questions down. And I would have you sit with them. In a culture that is confounded by noise, where we occupy every second of every day with seeming nonsense, we can contrive our calling. When we water it down, we distract ourselves. I what needs to die in me to become the man or woman that I'm called to be. Question one. Question two, in order for the vision to be made manifest, mean come to life, come to fruition. Who must th become? What will that require? I. Now I understand this is where the daily death comes into play because there are certain relationships, certain propensities, certain habits, certain thoughts, certain feelings, certain belief structures that are no longer serving you, that are very hard to let go of because even though they may not be healthy, they may be familiar to you. I understand that as you sit in silence with the sanctification of this calling, that you feel propelled to seek deeper. You will find the answers to these questions. They will not be answers that you like. They will be answers that will confront every comfort that you have. But understand, if you are called to it, you cannot cancel it. For those of you who are afraid of failure, afraid of what people might think, afraid of what people might say, they didn't call you so they can't cancel you. That's good. Who must I become? What will that require? Who will I need? We talked early on that the vision for community is so much richer than the vision of going alone. And understand you can run a business and you can run a life solo for so long, but the richness is found in pulling in people and pulling in a players and pulling in the people that are gonna push the vision forward. Remember, as iron sharpens iron and as a three quart strand is not easily broken. Finding those people, but also recognizing who must you become in order to attract that kind of talent? Who will that require? Who will I need? Where are they? You find yourself in the conversation of the arena, so you're already in the right place. How must I lead? This is a conversation that starts in the home because what is a prophet, a man to gain the entire world, yet sacrifice his soul and everything and everyone he loves in the process? Don't you dare ever put off your family or put off your own personal wellbeing for the sake of everyone else, because in the midst of saying that you are doing everything for your family, what you're actually telling them is that I'm giving you all the things that I'm trying to. Reconcile that I didn't have as a child, which was healthy, active, present parents who were always available. You just have more stuff. Now. What must I forego? Remember, this is a conversation of lane gratification. I know we all want the cool stuff, but there's a preparation. That must take place first, and there's a proper foundation that must be set first, which leads us to a very simple question. How will I approach today? Who will I be? I'd have you to consider that the delay isn't just a place where you develop grit. The space between calling and commission is not just a place where you cultivate grit, but it's also a place where you experience grace because you may be praying. I just, why can't, why? Why can't you just get me here? It's not that he's trying to keep you from the front side, it's because you're not yet ready to handle the backside. Some things can be rushed. Other things like your grandma's cooking, and on Thanksgiving come Thursday, some things require seasoning and they require time and you can't rush excellence. You can rush influence, but you can't rush leadership, and I'd have you consider that your identity is cultivated in the consistency of your beliefs and words, aligning with the action you take daily to confirm that calling. I'd also have you consider that the potential frustration that you're feeling isn't external. It is the backside of the internal porte says we need to bake. That's right. Let the man cook. Let him cook a little bit. That's it to speak. This is who I am, so this is what I do, is to remove the emotional constraints of impatience and quick fixes. And to align your actions to the assembling of daily structure required to handle the backside of the blessing that's already yours. This is who I am, so this is what I do. Get clear when you look and you survey the calling that's been placed on your life and the vision that you have, you have a vision or you wouldn't be here. People without vision don't invest into things like this. Most people don't invest into opportunities like this. You're different. You do. So in the conversation of calling and in the conversation of cultivating that calling, we have to ask the very simple question again, who does that require me to become? And we use powerful I am statements. I. Why? Well, there was a man who lived a few, few years ago, came and did some cool things and he only spoke I am statements, not I will be. There was a certainty that was spoken into existence and we mirror that, not because we're trying to be I am, but because we are called to be. So who are you? Not, who do you wanna be? Not who you will be someday. Who are you today? Because today is all you have, and it's only here for as long as it's here, and you've only got it until you've got it. And Ecclesiastes, the, the wisdom writer ette speaks of which is smoke, vapor, meaningless. That if everything is meaningless and we're just a speck and a seemingly endless, endless universe. Then it's up to us to appropriate what is a value and what is, if not what is, what is of wholeness and what is not, what is a virtue and what is not. And to enjoy it for as long as we have it. 'cause we're only here as long as we're here. So we speak an I Am statements because it's speaking. I will be confirms to the brand that you are yet not and to speak, that you are not yet the thing that you're called to be. The brain just loves patterns. It doesn't care what you want. All it wants is to confirm itself, right? And to create a construct based on your habits to confirm a belief system that you subconsciously hold, so to speak. I am statements is not toxic. Positivity is to speak into existence. That what you've been called to in made for. I am A CEO. Cool. Great. How does A CEO operate? How is his or her time structured? What are the responsibilities that take top priority and what else is delegated, eliminated or automated? Right? We go back up to the question, what will it require? It will require you letting go of some things. It will require you confronting ego. It'll require you seasoning your leadership skills. And a friend this morning, we were in the sauna talking. And, uh, he's, he's an minister. He just stepped outta ministry a couple weeks ago and he is very, very frustrated. And, uh, he said that it's frustrating because I feel like I've been called to this, so I don't know why I'll be called out of it. And I said, well, what are you do? What are you doing right now? And why were you called out of it? And there were some like different things going on, some politics happening, and which is irrelevant. They said, well. Don't tell anybody. I'm just at home with the kids as if it was an embarrassment on him, and I said, I'd have you consider that God didn't call you out of something. He called you deeper into the leadership that you needed to cultivate on a deeper level. I. Because if I remember a few months ago, you were working 12 to 15 hour days being frustrated that you were having to FaceTime your kids as they left for school and you left the gym because it was the only time that you could get it in and not getting home until after supper time, just barely to tuck them in. And now you have more time to season leadership inside of their lives and to cultivate a, a, a communion with them that is deeper than you could have ever had. In the conversation of where you were, perhaps God answered the prayer that you were seeking to have answered. He just didn't do it in the way that you wanted him to do it. Tears. There is a refining that is going to happen as you start to speak, I am statements and you start to lean into what the implications might be. On the back side of that, be very mindful for the things that you ask for. You start asking for patience. Watch your world get turned upside down. You ask for grace. Watch your world get turned upside down with the opportunity to extend it to those who you do not want to extend it to. One of the greater tragedies of the story of Jonah and the whale is not that he was engulfed by a whale. I would assume that some of you might find yourself in the belly of a whale right now. I'm not sure how you got there and feeling very lost right now. And it wasn't a punishment i'd have you considered that? It was a grace because he wasn't yet properly seasoned and he needed to stay in there just long enough to recognize that his patterns needed to change. And perhaps the season that you find yourself in is just long enough. But then in an instant, he was out. And my my belief, my prayer for you is that an instant, your season will change and the culmination of all the things you've been cultivating over a season of time will be made clear and simple. But understand the tragedy is that he then went to the place where he was called to go, which was a place called Nineveh, and they had already succeeded hands up. And there was a frustration. And there was a frustration because the same grace he'd been given, been given to somebody else. And there's a lot of history between the two communities. A lot of frustration. Be mindful of the seasoning that has to take place on the backside because you can find yourself accelerated too quickly and then find yourself frustrated when others are who didn't put in the work that you did. I am. So if I'm a CEO act this way, if I'm a healthy, present, loving husband and father, what does that look like? It's one thing to say it, but what does that mean for the day-to-day implications of how I spend and invest my time? What are the boundaries that I put in place to confirm that that identity is true? And sure, hmm. I am, I'm an athlete. That means that I treat my body in a certain way. That means that I eat certain foods every single day. That means that I train in a particular fashion every day to confirm that identity. Your confidence is not built on the backs of other people because if you live for people's confidence, you will die by their criticism. Your confidence I would have you consider is built in the daily construct that you organize for your life and the daily living out of what it is that you say that you're going to do and who it is that you say that you are. You want a confidence that is unshakeable, be a person of your word. Get very clear on what that means and walk it out every day. Will you get it perfect? No, but there is a grace for that and there's an opportunity on the backside of the end of the day to say, what needs to di me that needs to die so that tomorrow I don't carry it on. Because if I don't transform this, I will transmit it to my kids, I'll transmit it to my company, I'll transmit it to everyone around me. Who must I become? I am, period. You wanna know why I'm untouchable? 'cause I keep my word to myself because whether you like me or you don't like me, I'm gonna get off this call and I'm gonna go hang out with some kids for a few minutes before my next call. I am gonna fulfill the responsibilities that I have for this day. I'm gonna keep pushing my companies forward. I'm invested in a multitude of endeavors. There is a great deal of responsibility on my shoulders, which I carry gladly, because I never want, I never want there to be a conversation between me and anyone upstairs where they would not consider me for the test. And my hope for you is that you don't either. So get clear. If you can see the calling and the vision is made plain, who must you become? What will it require? Who will it require? What will need to die in you to become that version of yourself? And what are the daily tasks that are required to confirm that identity? And you want to talk about certainty. When you build confidence through the confirmed action of who you say that you are, you will build certainty as you start to cultivate results that align with the vision that's been presented to you, and it will be a certainty that will be unshakeable. Algorithms change. Who cares? You have a little bit of churn, who care like it do. It doesn't matter. 'cause now you're not focused on problems because you are a problem solver. So now if I pray to be a problem solver, if I ask for bigger problems to understand, you need to be a bigger cultivator of solutions. There are no victims in this conversation. Only victors I. My friends, your greatest seasons are right in front of you, and I would have you consider that you're great a season. You're actually living through it right now just because it doesn't look the way that you thought it would look. It is cultivating a particular seasoning that can sometimes only be made manifest through suffering. I. As I look back on the landscape of my life, and I looked at the times where I was the most desperate, in the times where things were not going as according to planet, things weren't going as fast as I thought they would. And to be very, very clear in some seasons where life was just absolutely falling apart, the seasons that I wanted to curse everything, and I was soul filled with consternation. There was always consideration for me, and there was a grace that allowed me to wander, allowed me to try to make my own path, allowed me to try to go it alone, allowed me to fail, and it was all marinating and it was all preparing. It doesn't always look the way that you thought it would. Look, I can tell you over the past one, I, I'm somebody who travels and speaks for a living, and four months ago, I, I felt a leaning to step back that because of the things that I've been called to and the the number of companies that, that I help to oversee and a multitude of verticals that are not front facing. It was so clear to me, I need you to not speak and I just need you to study and I need you to sit, which goes against my ego, which goes against everything that I've built, ego I've built. Mm-hmm. And that was my issue. So I says, step back, and I found myself wrestling. Deconstructing and seasoning and studying. I can tell you that our companies have grown exponentially through a refined focus because sometimes we'll fill our calendar, not with things that are absolutely important, but things that make us feel important. Sometimes we'll fill our calendar full of things to avoid the very important things. Some of us are afraid to step into the call. Some of us are afraid of success. Some of us are afraid of failure. Some of us are afraid of judgment. Richard Rohr, in the book Falling Upward, would have you consider that true contentment. Spiritually and true contentment in life is when there's nothing to prove, hide or protect. So my question to you to consider is what could be cultivated inside of this season for you to propel you? Next, because we have a vision for the front side, and how might you prepare yourself and how might you be prepared to handle the backside of the influence that you're called to? Brendan has a question, he says, how do you determine if the struggle, the challenges, the failure, the opposition you're facing, is there for you to push through and continue on the path preparation or if there was a nudge to redirect your path? Well, I would say that there's a few things. I am a man of faith, so I'm going to lean heavy. Into my quiet time. I don't need to say anything. I don't need to speak anything. I just wanna sit and I just wanna listen. I want to spend time in the word that I hold so dearly. I also wanna seek wise counsel, those who are committed to my growth, but also are qualified to speak into it because understand unqualified praise or criticism is equally dangerous, so qualified. Counsel, qualified wisdom, taking a look at where I feel I'm called to go and called to be and looking at the fruit of my endeavors. Is there fruit here? I. Is there something of value that I'm learning through this? Is there something that I'm not seeing, which is where the Wise Council comes into play. This is where coaches and mentors and communities like this come into play. Being able to ask articulate questions into a C community like this to get concise answers that will help reveal to you where the gaps might be that you can't see because you might be too emotionally invested into it. You know, it's hard to read the label of a bottle from the inside of it.