Influence (Not Manipulation)
Ever met someone who could close a deal before they even opened their mouth?
They walk into a room, and suddenly, everyone’s leaning in. And it has nothing to do with what they’re saying… it has everything to do with who they are. It’s not simply charisma or charm.
They’ve mastered influence.
What is influence exactly? In a word, it’s “leverage.” The ability to create disproportionate results without proportional effort. A kind of energy signature that shapes decisions before words are even spoken.
And, despite what you might have been taught to believe… it can be learned.
So few people, especially in the realm of online business, have figured this out. Instead, they substitute genuine influence with slick scripts and manipulative tactics.
What we’re talking about is identity-driven transformation that puts you in perfect alignment with your prospects, allowing you to become the version of yourself that your clients are already looking for. Then, helps you lead them to become that same version without pressure, gimmicks, or games.
WARNING: The themes we’re about to discuss below in this article are powerful. They can (and have) been used towards selfish and self-serving ends by terrible people throughout history. If you’re not a decent HUMAN BEING who actually cares about the people you serve and you just want their money, we want nothing to do with you. If, on the other hand, you actually do care about making your market happier, healthier, and wealthier, understand this… You have an obligation to not only take this material seriously, but to use it only in the service of actually helping others do what’s best for them (not you).
Understood? Good, let’s go.
Push, Pull, and Selling From the Wrong Self
There are two types of energy in a sales environment: Push and Pull.
Push energy is force. It’s pressure being applied to nudge something (or someone) in a certain direction.
Pull energy is the polar opposite. Rather than nudging something forward, it sits ahead and DRAWS it toward the goal like a magnet.
The reason most people fail to master influence is because they sell from what we’ll call their current state: uncertain, reactive, and trying to “convince” someone to buy. All push energy. Prospects feel this and, immediately, defenses start rising.
Influence is not push energy, but PULL energy. Magnetizing others toward a future they already want.
That starts with you. If you’re operating from fear, scarcity, or self-doubt, your prospects feel it. No matter how polished your pitch is. But when you sell from your future self, the version of you who’s already achieved the outcome, you radiate certainty.
And certainty is contagious.
In Maxwell Maltz’s book, “Psycho-Cybernetics” he talks about this phenomenon of visualizing and becoming acquainted with the future version of you that has already done everything you’re trying to do. Then approaching problems and making decisions through THEIR lens, rather than your own.
Mimetic Desire and Mirror Neurons
Humans are wired to imitate. We don’t just copy behaviors. We also mirror desires.
This is called Mimetic Desire, and it’s powered by mirror neurons in our brains. We want what others want, especially if we perceive them as successful or fulfilled.
This is as true with sales conversation as it is with any other relationship.
When you embody your future state, you become a living example of what’s possible. Every sales call you get on becomes a chance for your prospects to glimpse a possible future that they too can achieve. They don’t just hear your message, they feel it.
Soon, they start wanting access to what you have access to, and weighting your input more and more with each new discussion.
For a deeper dive into this concept, check out our podcast episode: The Power of Mirror Neurons and Mimetic Desire.
The 3 Levels of Influence
Okay, we’ve talked a little bit about future-state and how to project the confidence of the version of yourself who is far ahead of where you are currently. Now it’s time to talk practical application.
There are three distinct levels of influence:
- Self-Influence: Mastering your own mindset and energy. If you can’t lead yourself, you can’t lead others.
- One-to-One Influence: Building trust and alignment in individual relationships. This is where most sales happen.
- One-to-Many Influence: Leading groups, communities, or markets. This is where movements begin.
A massive stumbling block to owners and CEOs who fail to tap into the power of influence is that they are tempted to go out of sequence. They try to jump to exerting influence over others, without first influencing themselves. Your disciplines, your habits, your own energy regulation… without control of these, you will never generate mimetic desire in your prospects (or anyone you lead for that matter). Their view of you will be directly impacted by how you have handled level one.
The Strategy for Creating Future-State Sales
Let’s go one step deeper and outline the 4-part framework for
- Visualize Your Future Self: Who are you when you’ve already achieved your goals? How do you think, feel, and act? Get in touch with that version of yourself and start thinking how they think. Concern yourself with the things that version of you is concerned with. If it wouldn’t bother them, do not let it bother you. State control is the name of the game here.
- Embody That Identity: Start showing up as that person now. Your energy will shift, and others will notice. This is what creates the mimetic desire we talked about earlier. Others are attracted to ALIGNMENT.
- Lead with Value: Offer insights, support, and solutions without expecting immediate returns. We teach all of our sales reps that their number one job on any sales calls isn’t to close the deal or to collect money or anything like that. It’s simply to help the prospect make the best decision for them. That often starts with being forthcoming about their situation and delivering precise and well-thought through value “bombs” that help them begin to see a vision of the better future they want.
- Create Asymmetric Value: Give more than you take. This concept, known as Asymmetric Value Exchange, is a cornerstone of ethical influence. It’s strongly tied to number 3, and often begins BEFORE the sales call ever happens. Sow into the prospect at every opportunity and demonstrate your mastery over both yourself and “the frame” of the sales call.
For more on building goodwill before the sale, read our article: Unharvested Goodwill – The Hidden Moat of Your Business.
The Result: Clients Say “Thank You” for Letting Them Buy
When you lead with your future self, clients don’t feel sold. They don’t have buyer’s remorse or feel “unempowered” by their decision.
Instead, they:
- Thank you for the opportunity to work with you
- Refer others who would be a good fit for what you offer
- Become vocal advocates who sell FOR you
This isn’t hypothetical. It’s the foundation of ethical, effective sales.
For a comprehensive guide on this approach, check out Taylor Welch’s book: Winning at Sales: How to Get So Good People Say “Thank You” for Letting Them Buy.
Become the Person Your Clients Are Waiting For
Maybe all of this sounds “woo woo” to you. Like you’re simply pretending to be something you’re not. “How can that help me?”
You’re looking at it backwards. It’s more about becoming who you are meant to me, and creating space for the person on the other end of the phone to do the same. When you align with the most successful version of yourself, you begin to morph the world around you to your will. True influence is a powerful tool, and one you should be using in your business daily.
